That's All She Wrote

Work, work enough not to pay attention to what's going on, enough not to acknowledge your own emotions nor what's wrong. Isn't this what most of us do? There's hardly enough sane options to keep us distracted not to be wasted. Work, work hard, harder to reach enough height to jump from or to let the cries out. Get success, have no one to share it with & fall making no sound. Just cheers of what you have achieved as the weight of what's lost drives you crazy. Fuels you, fuels you so much that you start to burn, burn once & fall all turn, turn into ashes as no one's heard from you in months. Fade, fade into the lights of flashes, flashes of cameras trying to catch a glimpse of your success, trying to get a hold of what drives you, flew you to such a height. Hide, hide and cover up your wounds, before they get exposed and infected and kills you from inside as it's what it wants anyways. So, drive...drive and drive... Until you're out of sight ...

Sometimes, sometimes you feel alienated and you just want to alienate almost everything & everyone. Everything familiar seems distant and every warm thing feels cold, ice cold. Things you love, you can't recognize anymore. You try, try to find solace in the solitude and when you can't, you try to find the familiarness in new things sometimes people or sometimes someone. You try, try to change yourself so that maybe you can adjust better this time. But so very unlike it turns out worse. You do feel better for a little time but then, the loneliness kicks in, the emptiness inside starts swallowing you from inwards to outwards until there's nothing no more. No body, no soul, nothing to own. Sometimes, you smoke; sometimes, you drink and it turns into a habit. Such that you turn into an alcoholic, melancholic. Finally, you get stuck in the same loop for your whole life. It plays on repeat, turns into a routine living and breathing doesn't do enough to cut it. Until you f...

There's nothing, nothing sudden, nothing happens suddenly. It's like, it was always there in the back of your mind, growing inside your head who knows since when. Then,  suddenly  within matter of a few seconds, it takes place & you are not ready for it to happen just yet. However, it wasn't ironically sudden rather it was suppose to happen, you just had no idea "when"? The signs. They are everywhere, always in front of your eyes pacing back and forth, hypnotizing you into believing that they mean nothing. Sometimes, you pick some pieces of it, thinking for a while but they deny and you agree. However, once it gets inside your head it doesn't ever leave and is like a leech, sucking your happiness. It stays and thrives on your thoughts and starts growing like fungi. It starts to decay the things it surrounds, your brain. Slowly, decomposing your senses. Honestly, slowly; extremely slow. Until one day, when it takes the form of an elastic band around waterme...

It's kinda weird, I keep you in my mind with no intention to constantly think about you. Yet that's all what I do. I keep writing about you in the thought of letting the whole world know. Yet I keep writing, re-writing and tearing it out of the book and even hide it from you. I'm selfish when it comes to you, I'm protective about you. Yet I couldn't save you from you. For you, I could paint the whole world a shade of blue, engulf myself in the same shade as you. Yet, yet there's nothing that I could do. It's strange, I have almost a book about you. Living inside my head, yet no pages in my hands. Sometimes, it gets hard to even decide whether you were real or just a fragment of imagination growing inside. Yet, I live vicariously through the songs of you, the words you say and things you do. Some days, I just want to end up like you. Sometimes, I just want to turn into another you. Someone, I knew. You said, I'd forget about ...